The surprises that surrounded me as a new mother were shocking. Looking back now I realized those first days are what set me up to be a real mom they defined and shaped me, breaking me free of my fantasies.

I would breastfeed her. It would be an incredible bond. I just knew she would be a nursing champ and nurse the moment she was placed at my breast .She and I would gaze lovingly into each others eyes. It would be heaven on earth.

She was placed on my chest I attempted to nurse her. She was not the “champion nurser” that some babies are from the start and I surly was not an expert at nursing. Little did I know nursing is some thing mother and baby have to work at. It is learned. A nurse handed me a bottle and the rest was history…How ever with my second child I read every thing there was about breastfeeding and I was able to do so.

Diapers. Why did no one tell me what the diapers where really like? I never envisioned such a little person making so many poops and pees!!! and believe me I use poop lightly…First it came out like black tar I was warned it would happen but to see this!!! Cleaning it off her tiny bum was a process. First I was afraid I was going to break her so I attempted it like I was cleaning the finest of china. Surprise this stuff takes a fair amount of rubbing to remove. My lesson was she was not fine china and she was not going to break.

Through out my pregnancy I envisioned a baby that was comforted by me…She would whimper and I would rush to her side…I would know just what she needed and then rock her gently and sleep. She would fall into sweet slumber.

No…In reality her cries in those first days where a mystery…pushing me to the realm of trying every thing all at once. I was lucky she did not mind my clumsy first attempts at consoling her. I would offer her a bottle…she would scream…I would change her dry diaper…I would burp her endlessly. She this little tiny person made me feel like I knew nothing.

The day I brought her home from the hospital I switched her to the brand of bottles I had decided to purchase. She gulped the formula down made a little smile (gas) and vomited like a rerun of Linda Blair from the Exorcist! I rushed her in a cab to the ER.I knew she was terribly sick…no the flow of the bottle was far to fast for her (duh) that’s why she drank so fast! The Dr. just smiled knowingly seeing my panic turn to sheer embarrassment I switched bottles and the “problem” resolved .

I thought a diaper bag is really more then a few diapers wipes and a change of clothing for baby it is a bag that contains all but your kitchen sink, and only gets heavier as time go on. Days later I learned to pack only what I needed lightly and my back thanked me for it.

Another lesson…babies grow fast those itty bitty outfits might only last a week. I ended up with 20 or so out fits she never wore.

To say the least I learned to lose sleep and function. I learned that some things are simply not what they seem and that a baby will change your fantasies and make you see the reality in very little time. They steal your heart and make you love them in so many unexpected ways.